My dad always told me that I could be any person I want. But the police disagreed with this….

A husband was waiting in the car for his wife to come out from her gynaecologists appointment. After some time the wife comes out to the car crying. The husband, obviously concerned asks her:“Honey, what’s wrong?, is everything okay?” The wife replies: “I am so sorry, it’s not okay. The Gynaecologist told me that I can never have sex again!” The husband slams on the gas and rips out of the parking lot going 100 mph. He then looks over at his wife and says: “I am taking you to the damn dentist for a second opinion”

I just don't how to dish it out.

Me: depends, what’s in the box?

The Medusa oblongata.

fine China

Shits and giggles

Even the Pope is now made in America

St. Peter asks the nurse to spell cat. She does so with no trouble. St. Peter asks the teacher to spell dog. He does so with no trouble. St. Peter then asks the used car salesman to spell Chrysanthemum.

but at least it won’t take up too much of your time.

After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. THAT was my car, I had filled a strangers gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the attendant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here "